Lahaina Sun Gossip
Bob Kelsey's Lahaina

BY BUCK QUAYLE

The Lahaina Sun gossip column, which editor Don Graydon used from time to time to slip in an unofficial dig at someone or something, was left in the hands of Bob Kelsey, a local picture framer. I bet you didn't know that he also took risque pictures on the side. That's the rummor.

Kelsey used this vast influence to wrangle invitations to endless parties. People who didn't like him, critized him for it. He didn't care. He liked any kind of attention. He wrote anything that came into his head-even if it wasn't true or he didn't believe it. He wrote to be reacted to.

While he and Publisher/Editor Don Graydon were discussing nuts and bolts of a gossip column-I piped up with his format. Have every item a few sentences long-a paragraph. Make each seperate from the other. That way we could grab a handful and use as needed to fill space. Both immediately accepted the idea. Kelsey was born.

Bob Kelsey's Lahaina

THE 10 LAHAINA Ice Co. bottles stolen from the home of Rev. Charlie Burger of Lahaina represent a big loss. I have just one Lahaina Ice bottle and I'd sure miss it if it were stolen. They are getting very rare and Charlie puts a $30 value on each of them.

JACQUES COUSTEAU, the famous underwater expert and producer of many undersea TV shows, says our oceans are in danger. He says, "What we are facing is the destruction of the ocean by pollution and by other causes. Anything done against the water is a crime against life-and the water must remain alive if we are to remain alive!" One only need take a look at Lahaina Harbor to see what Mr. Cousteau says is so very true and very sad.

Lahaina Sun Gossip

QUESTIONS I'M ASKED most frequently:

Q- How much do you get paid to write your column?

A- Plenty, and all of it in appreciation and kindness.

Q- Which was your best column?

A- Next week's.

Q- Who's your favorite person in Lahaina?

A- The man who signs my paycheck.

Q- How old are you?

A- On Monday morning, 102; on Friday night, 18.

THE LAHAINA MARKETPLACE is getting a new facelife. Mr. Maddigan is going to make the entrance more appealing. The sign over the Front St. entrance was a good start. It's just about the best looking sign in town.

Lahaina Sun Gossip

SMILING FACE of The Week: Andrew DeMello, your friendly letter carrier. I think everybody likes Andy, even though I think he reads post cards and talks too long with the salesgirls in the stores. But all in all, I think he's just about the finest letter carrier I've ever known.

QUOTE TO REMEMBER "Progress was a good thing once but it went on too long." We can thank Ogden Nash for that.

GRIPE OF THE WEEK The tour companies who let their bus drivers leave their engines running while parked at the Pioneer Inn. What a horrible stink. Not to mention what it does to your lungs.

Lahaina Sun Gossip

CHECK THOSE neat paintings in Kimo's Polynesian Shop. They are by Beverly Hills artist Janell Alden. Beats me how a person from the Los Angeles area can capture the beauty of our islands, but this young lady has done very well. Let's hope Janell decides to make Lahaina her home. I have a hunch she will do very well here.

EVER TRY TO USE the restroom at the Lahaina Shopping Center? I asked a salesgirl at the Ben Franklin for the key. She said to ask Harriet at the bakery. She was busy, so I asked a girl in Nagasako's. She said to ask Harriet. I was getting a little huhu about then, and Harriet was still busy waiting on customers. My question is: Why is the door locked if it is a public restroom?

Lahaina Sun Gossip

PRIMO IS THE best selling beer in West Maui. So says Roger Halley, and he should know. Roger was in Kahana last week gathering trash that you discarded alongside the road. Roger made a pile about four feet high and eight feet across. He counted and stacked almost 300 Primo bottles, 100 Lucky Lager, and 40 Schlitz cans and bottles. Also included in the mess were about 150 Pepsi cans, 50 Coke and about 40 Dr.Pepper cans. Primo and Pepsi win, and what a hellofa way to find out.